I AM GOING TO JUMP KICK YOUR FACE AND THEN KISS IT
I am going to jump kick your face and then kiss it.
I have been practicing my jump kicks every day
I have been practicing my jump kicks at least three or four times a day.
That means I have performed more jump kicks than the average human.
That means when I jump kick your face you will notice the power.
That means when I jump kick your face, it will mean more than if someone else did it.
After I jump kick your face I will kiss it.
There will be many kisses—
an amount that eventually becomes annoying and vaguely frightening.
They will seem mad.
And I won't even feel emotion while I'm kissing your face.
It will just be something I am doing.
I will kiss your face repeatedly.
Mainly in the cheek area.
But sometimes on the nose and sometimes on the forehead.
And sometimes my mouth will be open.
Sometimes my front teeth will touch your skin but it will be accidental.
And I promise to open my eyes to assure you if that happens.
When you feel teeth and then open your eyes, mine will already be open.
But I will not stop kissing your face.
The pleas to stop will not be obeyed.
The next day you will wake up with your face against the pillow, your jump kicked and violently kissed face.
It will hurt.
You will touch it and feel how it hurts.
I am practicing my jump kicks; my kisses are already pretty good.
You will get one of the former and many of the latter.
You mean nothing and you are nobody.
You are a crumb in my bellybutton.
MANNEQUINS THAT SWEAT BLACK INK AND NEVER HAVE ANY FUN
I hunt butterflies with a miniature bow made of twigs and arrows fashioned from the creases in your face that represent every frown you've made.
I wish I were your made-up image because then you'd love me and never let me go.
I am in a retirement home and I am sleeping underneath the bed of an old man who doesn't know who he is anymore and who thinks his family has disappeared.
I keep saying "Tick tock tick tock, nobody loves you and I won't hold your hand when you die."
If you put a twizzler in your ear it looks like your ear is vomiting blood.
If I ever have kids it will be a mistake and I will apologize to the largest number of people willing to listen.
Lie down it is time for me to walk over you and call you a bridge I no longer need.
I love everyone who reads this.
Every time I come home I stand in the doorway and say, "It's time for a monster to eat me now." Then it does.
When I go to bed and pull the covers open, I say, "It's time for a monster to eat me now." Then it does.
Every time I get out of bed I say, "It's time for a monster to eat me now." Then it does.
Every time I leave my home, I say, "It's time for a monster to eat me now." Then it does.