Don't Be Mad
Don't be mad, but I drank the last coke
stole your girlfriend, wrecked your car, and
unsubscribed you from all your magazines.
But don’t be mad – I didn't do it on purpose,
and anyway, you have too much of a temper,
you need to chill out, calm down, relax.
All at once, do it! Don't be mad, do what
I say. Go stupid. You’ll prefer it. I do.
Forgetting Simon Perchik
Was he that guy, the one who did that thing?
No, that was someone else.
He may have been in elementary school with you,
or you might be getting him confused
with a boy whose last name was Simon
and a character from Fiddler on the Roof.
Oh Simon, Simon Perchik, Perchik comma Simon,
do something memorable! Take off your clothes
in the middle of the street, throw up
all over the stage on opening night, dance
crazy at the prom, something. Please!
Trying Not to Fall in Love
Trying not to fall in love
is as futile
as trying to count the drupelets
on a raspberry.
Marriage is this thing where you always are
wishing you could have a little time to yourself
and you think it would be so nice if you could just
spend a night all alone in the bed, swimming
around in all the covers with all the pillows, but
then when you finally have a chance to do it
you can't turn out the light, you can't go to sleep
until your husband gets home.
there are the rabbits
on the playground
one of them
If it was
a bad teaching day
I like to see a rabbit
If it was
a good teaching day
I still like
to see a rabbit
An Occasion For Which a Poem Has Almost Certainly Never Before Been Written
My high school boyfriend Steve
(the vegetarian who believed
in the healing power of crystals)
goes on TV on the game show
Who Wants to Be a Millionaire
and wins $125,000
in about fifteen minutes.
to a woman seated in the audience:
my ex-boyfriend’s wife,
brown-haired, with glasses,
and every other girl he ever dated.
has gained weight and lost some hair.
The hair that remains is
in a pony tail.
Regis laughs politely at Steve’s jokes.
does he think of me
when he mentions high school
on question number four?
Does he wonder
if I am watching?
Does he remember sort of proposing to me
over garlic bread at Grisante’s?
I hope so.
Then, I hope not.