Emily Toder


The Branches


I don't mind the listy branches
so heavy with life
that can grate on some people
No, I like them
I like to watch my ice glide into my water
which did you know
is a process of expansion
My friend who is a physicist taught me that
and that frozen fruits are never again themselves
The molecules must melt and in that process
change and must lose themselves
so when they cool they're not themselves
they're changed
I guess essence is pretty unstable, I said
Moleculalry, I mean, I said
and he said, I guess
he said, I guess substance depends on environment
Like children, I said
Yes, like children, he said
Like kids
Like personalities, I said
and he said, Yeah, like moods
And I said, Like temperament and I hung up
I did not hang up on the physicist
That's like impossible




I Love the Past So Much


I love the past so much
the past is actually alive
inside me

The past looks at me and is like— 
but can't see— 
that girl's been here before
that girl's still here?!
Sometimes I say woman

My past is as old as I am
but it's more mature
I guess which is not the same as psychic but am not sure

I viscerally shiver from the past
I can throw up from the past
I have never properly seen the spirit
from the past so yeah I throw up!!

My neck is tough
My floor is a soft soft whipping thing
My eBay username is my real name
I have kept two of my talismans
on my stove
My friend is vanished